I hope you see this, I hope you feel this I hope you read this, I hope you see this I hope when I see you I’m able to be mean to you, for i hope it makes you sad although it’s clear you don’t care, let alone about me, therefore you’d probably be glad unfortunately I can’t say I hate you because it wouldn’t be true. I disregard my feelings to justify yours which is clear to be untrue.
I hope you read this, I hope you feel this
I hope you see this, I hope you feel this
even though I’m sure how I felt you can’t even deal with the idea of. Otherwise you wouldn’t have made me deal with while thinking of…
you.
I hope you read this, I know you’ll see this
I hope it makes you cry at night, when you’re alone, when you’re at home, but it probably wont so yet again I waste my time.
Being in my 20s along with dealing with young men in their 20s, as in grown, their loyalty is not my responsibility or sole concern.
It’s not my job to make sure your love treats you respectfully especially if I don’t even know you or I’m not your friend.
The frustration is always taken out on the “side” bit- which should be least of anyone’s worries. The question isn’t “well how did she entice him?” Yet why he felt and decided to participate in stepping out of his relationship with all disregards of his partner.
I also feel like if you get stepped out on it’s right to be emotionally disturbed but to dwell on it even after being “forgiving” of the situation(s) is pointless when the answer to resolve it would simply be removing yourself from the relationship all together. Instead people want to feel as if they are an necessity when in all actuality we don’t jeopardize things we “NEED” deeming you a want but not necessarily a need which I can see as shocking.
Your disappointment, which gets projected as micro-aggression, shouldn’t be towards a person that probably didn’t even know you existed or! Doesn’t even look at you as someone of importance to the point they wouldn’t want to disappoint you. (that person being the side bitch)
In regards to the women who purse men in relationships, I have no words for them. You’re lovers loyalty still doesn’t have anything to do with them. Overall I’m referring to the women who don’t get the entire truth about a persons relationship status, or don’t find it to be their job to cosplay inspector gadget to assure their love interest isn’t in a relationship and cheating.
Ultimately if a person has a plan to cheat they’re going to follow correct procedures to do so anyways.
No matter how you spin the situation it’s never the cheatee’s fault.
Ex: If I know a man is in a relationship, I purse him, he doesn’t stop me in my tracks and shut everything down then that’s on him. He’s the only one to take accountability that he didn’t stay true to his partner regardless of intent.
1. a) an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret. b) an expression of regret for not being able to do something.
2. a) something that is said or written to defend something that other people criticize. b) excuse.
I know and understand the significance of an apology ideally. It’s to right wrongs, acknowledge mistakes, and so on but essentially they rub me the wrong way.
I was never a fan of accepting an apology, I tried for the sake of the people who give them to me but it doesn’t feel sincere to accept such a, what I consider worthless, gesture. I assume I appreciate hearing someone say their faults in situations but after that I much rather them deal with that among themselves.
I’ll always feel like “you did it, own it, because if you really knew how it would effect me or make me feel you probably would’ve refrained from doing yet! You wanted to do it, so you did it. Own it.” I don’t look at that as grudge holding either I relate it to accountability.
It might also be the only way I can control something that has gotten out hand because in wise reconsideration the ball is back in my court and I can determine what’s next. In a sense it brings me satisfaction that you can’t enjoy yourself due to your guilt, brings me even more satisfaction knowing you’re aware you let me down.
I’ll link a read regarding how I do move forward, if I decide to, without accepting an apology essentially here.
S/N: Just because I decline you’re apology doesn’t imply I have any resentment towards you and also won’t still interact with you.
People who fuck over the ones who love them often have a hard time accepting love in the long run due to the fact THEY’VE watered down what it means to love someone.
Love holds no significance to them anymore.
Essentially they are simply just avoiding their own karma afraid that what they once done to someone else can now be done to them. They can’t trust anyone because they took the trust people had for them and used it maliciously.
Aside from stunting the growth and finally enjoying the feelings of falling in love or being in love. After given enough thought, if you’ve ever loved someone so much and had it actually sincerely reciprocated, whether it be a friend or lover.. you realize these kind of people probably will never experience that genuineness. To live a life where the people YOU choose to have around you, you can’t trust therefore causing you to settle in suppressed emotions such as anxiousness, worry, and lack there of is a life I can’t imagine. Especially regarding with my friends.
The question is, how do you prove to someone as such that you love them without overstepping what it is to love into manipulation due to the fact that they’re the ones scared of being love?
Wishing everybody much Peace, Joy, and Prosperity! All ways, Always.
Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.
We often “speak for” with the idea we know although we haven’t lived through to experience. When really the most we can do is listen and understand in most instances while not invalidating perceptions, feelings, and truths because they don’t correlate with the idea we’ve developed ourselves from the outside looking in. To respect, acknowledge, and try to be receptive the best we can are little steps that can embark big change.
The point is to bring “awareness” not saying anyone who participated in this is a victim but to shed light on “how it feels…” because every feeling counts.
So I ask “How does it feel to be Dark Skin in America?”
“For a long time I hated it! I didn’t necessarily hate my skin… I hated what people associated with my skin color! Since I’m not and never were the negative things people said and thought about people with darker skin.”
“Being dark skin in America feels like being an alien… we get degraded and passed up on, I used to hate being dark skin I heard every joke in the book, especially from guys. We’re always compared to a person of lighter skin tones, we have to work twice as hard to look good because we’re dark skin, and people only like dark skin people right now because we’re a trend. We started embracing ourselves and now everybody wants parts of that. I get told “yeah you’re cute, for a dark skin.” when in reality I’m cute as fuck period! We are in our category, in our own race… we get racially profiled the most as well [a perfect example would be the skin chart from family guy implying that the darker skin are most likely to have done, anything].”
“As a dark skin male in America I feel the light colored skin tones are appreciated more, we are more prone to stereotypes (law enforcement/police brutality) and people at times are scared of me or already formed an opinion before even meeting me due to the color of my skin”
“I guess I’m what people consider “brown skin” I think I’m just black. I’m just a Black Girl. When I was younger all the boys at school would say I’m “burnt toast” and I’d be confused like ” I’m brown but I’m not dark skin. It got to a the point I hated it and wanted to be light skin so bad. I still wanted my blackness, I just wanted to be light. Because of that I was able to notice my own colorist ways and changed it, I love my brown skin! It can be dark it can be whatever but I don’t want it to be a “wave”. For example Darker girls are only “the wave” on social media or if they have certain features. The objective is to love our Black beauty no matter how light or dark it is. Let’s rid the community and the world of those terms all together
“Growing up I never really considered myself “dark” or any other complexion I just always assumed I was just “Black” no in between. As I got older going through school that’s when other kids would refer to me as “dark” when comparing me to them or just in general. I started to realize the term being used within my own family and how they used it to describe people with deeper skin tones. At the time it didn’t make me feel any way, until I started to get the “You’re pretty for a black girl.”, “You’re cute for a dark skin”, “I don’t usually talk to dark skins but I would talk to you.” that shit really did get under my skin after a while because I don’t get why my skin color has to be mentioned at all. My facial features are my facial features and I would look like this no matter what shade my skin was in…So if I was lighter would they have told me ” You’re cute for a light skin girl”? I highly doubt it. Which was the most annoying part because to me it was like “You’re treating me different than you would treat someone else or who is lighter than me” but I eventually stopped caring about it though. At this point I feel like it’s a lot of complexion slander now a days where every complexion talks about each other and essentially it’s all just non sense. I don’t know who, why, or what deemed it necessary that each culture must have some type of complexion shaming in order to have certain people feel superior than others that are the same ethnicity as them but it’s happening and it’s keeping us divided as Black people. All I know is no matter who you are, what you look like, or how dark your skin is you are no less or no more than anybody else on this doomed ass earth. We all breathe the same polluted ass air so people need to act accordingly and humble themselves and stop acting like skin tone gives them ranking in actual factual life.”
“America’s perception of us hurts, we’re shown almost everyday that our complexion is fear by the rejection we receive, but we we’re born with everything they lack, beauty. The ugly hate they show only makes me love my skin more.”
“Being Dark skin in America is definitely not something I’m ashamed of. I’ve heard all of the stereotypes and jokes about how I’m supposed to be “Ain’t shit” or a “deadbeat”, but it’s just more motivation to be more than that!
“Umm what’s it like being Dark skin, mmm mm, I’ll tell you what it wasn’t like. It wasn’t accepting, it wasn’t loving, it wasn’t peaceful at times, it wasn’t positive, it wasn’t looked at as beautiful, it wasn’t appreciated, it wasn’t… it wasn’t what it is now. I mean that to say a trend, being dark skin is a trend, my dark skin to the next person is a trend, they want to be darker now. When I was younger to be dark skin was considered pretty much a crime. I’ll always remember being constantly teased, looked over, boys always laughing..girls.. you name it. Perfect example is even Lil Kim, a lot of people love to say she went to far with surgery and bleaching her skin but you have to understand when you’re praising self hate in you’re own community and you constantly hear it, you have no choice but to feel like you are different. It’s disgusting that so many people are upset with her appearance now when we’re the reason of her appearance, the reason for her low self esteem, we’re the reason for the self hate. It’s nauseating because it’s like “well how do you expect for me to see the beauty within myself when you don’t even see the beauty within me.” The point is understand when you’re around the hate of people telling you your skin is to dark you automatically start to believe it.
“Being Dark skin in America was difficult. With people not accepting you because you’re a darker complexion, people talking shit because you’re dark, I believe it gets easier to love your skin tone when you’re older. When you’re younger you tend to follow the trend because you don’t know yourself yet. For me it was very hard to love my skin in middle/high school, people talking about me made my self esteem very low and at one point I wished I wasn’t dark. Now you can’t tell me shit! I love my skin, it’s so beautiful, a beautiful even tone, and I will never wish that I was light.
As I get older I realize I’m to genuine to be involved with people frivolously. I can’t half ass my sincerity so I rather not deal with anything as such regardless of the potential of what could be.
I hate conditional everything that has to do with a bond I share with anyone!
I just can’t accept it willingly. It makes me uncomfortable in a sense and as I get older I find myself finding comfort in people. Possibly due to my lack of family, so any time I invite someone in I try to assure them comfort. I enter every bond with the idea it’ll be long term, long term comes with the ability to understand, feel, and whatever else makes any kind of relationship strong to you but what is that if it’s under certain terms and conditions. Conditional is a lack of respect, trust, and belief.
I notice people love the sense of security I give them but don’t offer it back. Maybe they don’t know how to be unconditional.. maybe all their life they’ve only experienced a bond under conditions that didn’t offer them everlasting comfort and stability.
A part of me always wants to prove my unconditional everything by offering the ability to understand they might need to adjust to the lifestyle. While my wisdom recognizes that some people don’t even care to try.. probably due to a lack of belief and I’d hate to prove them right by removing myself from them completely. When you’re this unconditional we speak of you always end up offering your presence under any circumstances it’s just up to the recipient to accept and or acknowledge it.
I find myself wishing the world was more sincere, wishing people knew the importance of everything they do with emphasis on how they receive people, wishing we took a little more accountability for our actions without having to be reminded.
It’s not to many benefits when it comes to suppressing your feelings you only burden yourself in regards of your emotions.
Allow yourself to be furious, allow yourself to be gloomy, allow yourself to be heartbroken, allow yourself to feel betrayed, allow yourself to feel disappointed, just allow yourself to feel.
Feelings aren’t a form of weakness, they are natural expressions.
Emotions push our growth, they help grace the process of a different learning.
When you suppress your feelings you don’t allow yourself to get over it, instead you fall under it. Somethings will always bother you of course it’s life but somethings don’t deserve as much time as others. When you void the process of understanding you become stuck on particular situations trying to understand them instead of just feel and progress.
Resulting in Regression.
Don’t neglect you’re happiness by spending to much time on what makes you grieve.
Wishing everybody much Peace, Joy, and Prosperity! All ways, Always.
When you become one with a certain stature of self awareness and sincerity regarding who you are, what you do, along with how you treat people it’s hard to not take the actions of others personally.
No one asks of me to wear my heart, feelings, sensibility, or ability to be whatever on my sleeve but I do so because that’s how I flow. I’m not afraid of the hurt that might come with being so receptive. Such as being emotionally distressed, spiritually disconnected, just completely blindsided by the actions of others it’s all growing pains I appreciate when not used against me.
I understand I might sound too good to be true due to me being straightforward and with that I feel as if you should be proud I see something in you to allow you to ultimately share me with you, in any aspect.
When someone gets the opportunity to infiltrate the secure element you’ve created for yourself I feel like it’s done on purpose. That individual knew they didn’t have what it took, yet they decided to move forward and disrupt instead of self assist in the hopes of becoming better or even realizing that something wasn’t for them.
Selfish.
You can not be sensible and fully unaware of your actions. I know you can’t. I take all actions against me personal because retrospectively it’s a form of attack. You couldn’t conquer me therefore you rather destroy. In the hopes you don’t feel lonely at the bottom of self despair since sinking down is easier than growing up.
Protect yourself, your energy, element, and aura because you’re in control of that. People much rather focus on you and create a diabolical plan to tear you down since they see you as the structure they can’t find the strength to build themselves to become what they long to be.
Spiritual Envy is a different kind of evil.
Wishing everybody much Peace, Joy, and Prosperity! All ways, Always.
LEARN AS YOU LIVE 