InternetAunty

The Marvelous Not So Marvelous Me

How rude of me to never formally introduce myself to the people that contribute to me keeping my sanity by respecting my mind. Thank you guys for that by the way. I’ve been talking myself into being more transparent, which I’m still not completely comfortable with it. Yet in still I think knowing these “characteristics” about me would help you all who come across my reads understand me more. Shoutout to my favorite youtuber Sade Watkins for the encouragement of becoming transparent, I’ll link her social media here Instagram .

This is all how I feel about myself, what I know to be true about myself. My family probably doesn’t even know I feel the way I do about myself and if they choose to read this .. welllll HELLO.

Generalization of myself: I’d consider myself your average Introvert, ripleys. I am extremely distant, Solemn in a semi rude way, with a dark sense of humor and I happen to be passively selfish [due to self proclaimed entitlement of deserving to be selfish with all of me..after all I’ve worked hard to get somewhat comfortable with being who I am.], I know I can do better than what I choose sometimes, I’m pretty careless when it comes the emotions of others, and I’ve developed this kind of narcissistic personality trait over the years, and I like to be left alone retrospectively. I think I’ll always have one up on others because these aren’t the best character traits yet and still I know they exist within me! Those who know me personally, don’t really know details about me, probably never will. It’s taken a lot to build up the energy for this persona you get to see & since I’m pretty closed off… I know what you’re thinking “if you’re so closed off why are you writing about yourself for us to read?” The answer to that is it’s easier to live url (on the internet) this isn’t face to face interaction but I am definitely aware it’s people observing me so why not give some clarification. Me on the internet happens to be me expressing myself/venting for the most part because the weight of thoughts can eventually weigh you down.

I’ve never been necessarily “likable” growing up because I happened to be into “alternative” lifestyle interests and since I got extraordinary grief because of that. As I grew I realized to be left alone I had to identify with those who picked at me, by disregarding things I loved and I regret that it everyday, but as a kid you don’t fully grasp the importance of being unapologetic. I decided to create a distraction in a clever fashion by still having a welcoming bubbly aura. For instance I’d never want a person to feel uncomfortable initially the idea is for you to be welcomed… in most cases because I just know how it feels to unwanted. Many also think I’m hilarious which I can’t disagree with but it helped pacify people from just simply bothering me kind of because they focused on my “funny” …which caused me to develop a lot of people being interested in me & not bothering me which I can say I appreciated. I figure all of this is the reason I’m very stuck in my ways and against conforming to unnecessary change. I had to teach myself that I’m something to be proud of regardless if some people don’t see me in such a way as I do, at least I’m true to myself.

For the most part, honestly, I’d like to believe that it’s not that I’m necessarily “nice” I just appreciate common courtesy. I know people go through their own trials and tribulations by themselves so they don’t need grief from let alone another person. Also since common courtesy is going extinct I’ve noticed people don’t even notice their admiration for me comes from not being unnecessarily rude…which is a lifestyle for many.

“I don’t think I’m anything, I know I’m everything.” – Taryn

You can’t really insult me as a person. I’m aware that I’m capable of many things that are beneficial to another because I am indeed a great person. With that being said I’ve built much pride off of that so, never will I ever think I’m anything under the sun but everything I know I am that some people, if not everyone needs, should experience, or pay attention to.

I stay true to myself solely because after my time on this earth expires my character will keep on living…I don’t want to ever tarnish that.

I love to dance.

I feel like because I don’t honor the emotions of others I shouldn’t be emotional due to fairness.

I feel like my pretty is most beautiful when I’m flaunting my natural hair, or have my hair own twisted. I like my face and hairstyles alter the structure, sometimes.

I spend a lot of time thinking about myself to make sure I’m the person I’d like to meet, appreciate, or befriend.

My favorite era is the 70s!!! The early 70s was P Funk then transitioned to Disco in the late 70s, that’s so precious.

I feel like I’m the poster child of what an Aquarius should be, but I also hate the sign. we’re often misunderstood because we feel like we don’t have to explain ourselves + not revealing ourselves completely so people just never know with us therefore they assume so I try to be vocal.

I think it’s self centered for me to actually “celebrate” my birthday.

I’m learning to trust my creativity again after being shut down so many times trying to believe in your capabilities gets, discouraging.

I have very very high regard of the people in my life, I’m lucky to have them as much as they are lucky to have me.

Everything I write about has something to do with what I’ve learned in my on going lifetime. (I can give you the exact place/scenario where I came up with my logic for any post on my site.)

I’m an extremely forgetful person, I think it’s because my mind is always thinking of something else. One top of me also suppressing memories that don’t really bring me joy…unfavorable events.

I love photo albums.

I can’t care about things set in stone already because caring leads to stress and that’s undesirable especially if I can’t change what is bothering me, it is what it is.

I respect who respects me. Age gets you no passes just because you happen to have more experience than me doesn’t mean I don’t deserve as much respect as you.

I don’t know how to control my stress that comes after a misfortune, if something hurts me I just crash and give up momentarily sometimes for a longer duration than others. I’ve noticed my website happens to help me rebuild my momentum to keep on keeping on.

I hold grudges, I HOLD GRUDGES. Which really aren’t grudges I’m just not capable of being forgetful or forgiving simultaneously.

I like to purposely disagree with people & push them to their limits just to see where their mind is at and if they can back up their theories with true reasoning and not just because its ethical.

I laugh in serious situations.

I have taken a liking to conversing with strangers so I can be aware of different lifestyle perspectives.

Every one of my post holds accuracy to deeper details of me, I practice everything I preach on here.

I believe it’s always a brighter side to things REGARDLESS.

I really love music! I relate my whole life through songs and movies, I don’t think that’s completely ideal but it brings me happyness and reassurance that I’m not the only one thinking in such a ways.

My social life is relatively forced so I don’t come across as an asshole to those that want to be spend time with me.

I admire the most minute things that people happen not to pay attention to, details.

I feel as if I’m a very unlucky person but that’s just the life I was chosen to live so I’m making the most of it.

I try to be understanding and all since I’m often misunderstood without being given the chance to back up my logic behind how I feel.

“If it wasn’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all” – Frank Gallaegher

And with all this self confidence, pride, and self love. I still feel like this post is EXTREMELY self centered even though it’s about me.. and will end up not serving it’s purpose. (although the deeper part of me I think it’s for the greater good and this is what I talk about when it comes to trusting myself)

Sidenote: If you happen to be reading this and know me personally or have gotten the chance to meet me, you can ask me how you play a role in my life and what I take from you as a person in general.

After rereading this to make sure it’s as good as it’s going to get I’ve realized that … I might just think I’m not important or of significant value since I’m just doing what I feel like everyone should do, and I get that others might think I am but their feelings towards me are almost not taken heed to since I’m the only one that knows myself. Depending solely on me for support in many aspects of my life I’ve established an understanding that I’m important alright, TO MYSELF independently! That’s what others consider self confidence even though I’m sincerely not confident at all. I’m inexperienced, lost within a realm of me, and to unapologetic to grow up “accordingly”. I care about myself because without me I’d lose everything I have but it’s not in any way necessary for others to feel how I feel about myself because I’m not …

Connections.

Post 18

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.

“My drawings represent how we fear things that are foreigner to us. I drew the full body without skin because it’s kinda like we have to peel ourselves back to see what’s there.” FTOT: @Solosherrell

We learn a little something something from everybody.

Whether it’s good, bad, or ugly it creates a learning experience that connects you and that person together for the rest of your lifetime.

or at least I like to think so…

Maybe it’s just my optimism that makes me think in such a way but I can’t say it doesn’t help me when it comes to becoming resentful in certain instances.

The Ugly: is usually unasked for truths. Overall you should always respect that the truth that was brought to you and especially told to you because that means they trusted you in some way. Just think of it as the lemons before we make lemonade. We either learn how to adapt or just take into consideration and move forward even though it’s not initially. what we thought independently.
The Good: is copacetic behavior easy going living you find captivating and incorporate into your own lifestyle.
The Bad: my personal favorite, is anything unfavorable to you. I say it’s my favorite because it usually is the real teacher you get a new concept of a person. You get to experience how the butterfly effect works; because of this, a persons does this, causing you to do that. It lets who you know how to respect different kinds of individuals in a sense without the hate.

**“This one is symbolizing a damaged person that is happy” FTOT: @Solosherrell**

Because of how the brain works regarding memory, when you grasp all this stuff and go to use it you trigger where you learned it from. So therefore if you picked up something from another person you will always refer back to them or the experience whether you’re fond of it or not. A great example is how we pick up speech patterns from another person. Like I stated previously you learn something in every instance it’s just up to you to consider them lessons and take what you can from it.

P.S Don’t take stuff so personal UNLESS! You’re for certain something was done with cruel intentions , somethings’ are just bad habits we develop overtime, we all have one.. maybe some.

The cover is from the movie “Extremely loud and incredibly close”

Why

“People don’t even try to understand the misunderstood they just assume the know” – a direct quote from the marvelous me

WHY! Why?! Why? Why, Why?

If you look at “why” long enough you start to think you’ve misspelled it, if you continue you to look at it you notice how many ways it could’ve been spelled.

It’s starting to seem like nobody cares about the “why’s” in life or people solely identify them as excuses. Also when you hear “why?” you connect being skeptical when really it’s clarification.

Appreciate the Why’s, they help expand your ability to understand.

Essentially If you ask me… people confuse the explanations that come after “why?” with excuses and that’s discrediting to a persons mind/life experiences. Making it hard for someone to express themselves, truthfully that is.

Here I’m going to explain the importance of why “why” is important:

If anything happens to you not in your favor and you ask “why me?” you can’t say the reasoning is necessarily wrong, IT’S THE REASON WHY!!! Whether it makes sense or not to at the time you’ll always hold onto the knowledge by thinking about it therefore it turns into learning.
When you question someone about the method to their madness and they take the time to explain why to you, it’ll only make sense if you give it a chance to be comprehended with no judgement. If you think about it we are very judgmental because its easier to pass judgement since it doesn’t call for using emotions such a compassion and taking time to think as in comprehend.
“Why” is just clarification without that you find yourself just developing an aspect of “understanding” by assuming. People do not grasp how selfish that is, assuming just feeds into your own ego, feelings, and thoughts solely. That’s not good. “Assume” is a verb meaning “Suppose to be the case, without proof“ PROOF in this instance is assurance which would come from clarification if it was to be acknowledged.

“Why” happens to be an adverb meaning “for what reason or purpose.” With that being said I look at “why’s” as overlooked introductions when getting to know people especially, but also life lessons. It’s uncut details if you think about it and that makes me be more coherent when dealing with people and just making choices while living.

P.S. Sorry if I might have caused any misdirected hope.. none of this information is applicable to the liars and manipulators. Be truthful about your “why’s”

the cover is from the Disney movie “Holes” It’s about building character in the hot sun.

The importance of experiencing how it feels to be alone.

Post 17

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.

You may call it loneliness but I see it as “Developing Independence”.

I use to think it was kind of pathetic that I didn’t experience the whole dating in middle school or throughout high school but I think I saved myself a lot of grief. I became okay with the possibility of me being alone because it was all I was use to. Now that I’m out of school, adulting, I notice how many people have ridiculous self esteem issues due to premature relationships BECAUSE they became dependent of another person assuring them they were of a certain standard and without that person they don’t know exactly who they are as an individual.

Individuality is 1a. Total character peculiar to and distinguishing an individual from others. b) personality

When I say “relationships” I’m not only speaking romantically, this also applies to the friendly. People have become accustom to trading the loyalty to themselves for popularity, how heart wrenching is that? To make up for that lack of self love they rather surround themselves around miscellaneous people instead figuring it out through the strength of themselves solely.

Being able to not depend on perfection for personal satisfaction did me a great justice. I know who I am without the persistent presence of particular individuals. Since I’m sure of myself, for the most part, no one can ever discredit me for being “bad” unless it is myself so I’ll never take offense to any opinionated nonsense about myself ever. I don’t find myself questioning my existence because I fully aware of who I’ll always be, or am becoming.

I figure the folks who still feel lonely even with a person or group are still oblivious to themselves so even though they’re around people… the people they choose to be around could possibly just be a poor choice in character. Yet who would necessarily know better if you don’t know what you desire for yourself, yourself.

Enjoying your alone time allows you to learn about yourself. Only making it easier for you to grasp what you deserve from people. Right now I’ve noticed a great few standing for nothing; which happens to be them as an person lacking self love, meaning they lack a reason to be prideful. Which means they’ll also fall for anything; referring to letting people in your life who aren’t deserving of them.

After you go through this phase of trial and error while “finding yourself” you just learn to appreciate yourself more with reason besides what you do for others.

It’s not a bad thing to be alone for a period of time, I feel like everyone should enjoy the time to themselves. People don’t really know how to appreciate their alone time without having a pity party with themselves because being alone is looked at as something being wrong, it’s nothing wrong with being or becoming back in tune with yourself.

Sidenote: Stop doing stuff for people and expecting them to like, admire, or love you for it so it can justify you being a good person. For one nobody cares unless they want to and secondly you do nice things because it’s good to be a kind person NOT for notoriety.

Wishing Peace, Joy, Prosperity, or whatever your in need of at this time to all of you.

xoxo

Enjoy this song + visual “Loner” by Kali Uchis

“What do you see when you see me?”

Before we start here’s some food for thought, Black Michael Jackson.. and White Michael Jackson were definitely conspiracy theories.

I am more than sure everybody wonders how they are perceived by “the people” whether you care or not, it’s a thought.

I’d say 70+ percent of those people are thinking appearance wise while the other percentile wonders “WHAT MAKES A PERSON NOT BELIEVE IN ME??? HOW DID I PRESENT MYSELF FOR A PERSON TO THINK I’M DUMB?”

This refers to any instance. (It often happens to me with friendships in particular.)

In my case I wonder why people insult my intelligence, question my character, or just do not believe in my capabilities of being a honest person generally.

I think people go out of their way to not pay attention to another persons sincerity. Or maybe they are just truly oblivious to the experiences.

I’ve also developed an understanding that not every one can reciprocate the love they are given because they aren’t use to it. So can I blame them for treating me the only way they know how to treat people? It’s a tough decision to decide if you’re willing to make it your “job” to prove yourself to people in honor of defending yourself when realistically they probably don’t even care. They’ve become accustom to how they’re living, how people treat them. In a way I feel bad for people who adjust to being treated so crappy, they can’t enjoy the people who see so much more in them than they see in themselves.

At the same time I’m also very aware of Sensibility and it is hard to believe some people do not posses the ability to use it one bit. It’s there regardless if you choose to not display emotion externally…it’s there.

Hopefully people start picking up on the sincerity of a person so the giver doesn’t become tired,discouraged, or just choose to change their demeanor in all.

Take pleasure in a persons care for you whether it lasts forever for not! Don’t let that kind of energy go to waste.

Experiences will either create a new person or new perspective.. not always for the greater good either.

Wishing everyone Peace, Joy, and Prosperity xoxo.

Featured Song: Brent Faiyaz – Insecure

That Same Person

Find, or better yet come across a soul that gives you the courage to help you embrace what you dislike the most about yourself while also loving you as is.

Are you what you attract?

Be that person you always wanted someone else to be with you. Embrace a person as much as they embrace you! Love that person more than you love you, use the courage they instilled in you to build up that same person.

Friends

I was never fond of the whole “Birds of a Feather Flock Together” theory because mentally I knew even though I was hanging out with these particular people it was a disconnect intellectually (especially as I got to know them) therefore they’d never be able to relate, to me in general. The relation between such individuals and I were never, um, similar for me to feel like I’d want to be like/do as them SINCERELY. So the “flocking together part…was irrelevant. Let alone my high regards of what being a friend actually meant to me.

It irritates me how passively the word friend is tossed around so frivolously. It has loss a lot of feeling, what is a “friend”? Friendships kind of carry a negative connotation only because the betrayal is easier to publicize since everybody can relate to it, unfortunately.

I still don’t know if I take my friendships so seriously because they fill the void of not having a connection with my relatives.. and if that is really the case maybe I shouldn’t apply such pressure, pressure as in they should do any wrong to me.. EVER. Then again my personal family conflictions really have nothing to do with a person that was initially a stranger treating me “better” in many aspects than my own biological relatives will. I respect that and it will always have my high regards so I’m for certain they can do better than what they might do that would cause a conflict between our friends, if you catch my drift.

Now that I am “of age” I’m what you can say proud… that the people I surround myself with think as highly of me as I think of them. I’m lucky for many reasons but what I don’t acknowledge often are my friendships, I know some of the coolest people from having talents to great personalities. My friendships revolve around kind things resembling Fondness, Support, Honesty, and Loyalty. Not everyone gets to develop those kind of bonds with people and keep them on going as years progress.

So basically what I’m getting at is The Birds I’m flocking these days I’m very fond of. I’ve gotten to know with some of the kindest people spirits.

It makes me wonder if it’s not the lack of family or maybe its how I carry myself. I believe you are what you attract applies to many things and… if I am able to attract people who have such unique characteristics I’m something special because these people are extremely special to me. It helps a lot knowing you have people that look forward to you regardless of how you feel about yourself independently, I feel like people don’t value that kind of flattery.

I feel like the word “Friend” which is a noun meaning 1. A person whom one knows and with whom one has a BOND of mutual affection, ~~typically exclusive of sexual or family relations~~. is used where the word “Acquaintance”, which is a noun meaning 1. A person’s knowledge or experience of something. 2. A person one knows SLIGHTLY but who is not a CLOSE friend, often fits.

Big Ups to my friends for supporting me as a whole from every idea I have to my lifestyle choices. You learn things such as forgiveness, rationality, or how to deal with sensitivity from different perspectives and I’m very thankful for that.

Side note: Don’t be afraid to let your friends know you love them and shit sometimes.

The featured photo is from the sitcom “Friends”

!Wishing everyone Peace, Joy, and Porosity always XOXO!

Surprise Song, Enjoy It

Risk

Post 16

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.

Something that truly irritates me is the fact you have to choose self respect verses you’re success these days, you can’t just live your life accordingly without risking your livelihood. We as people have independent morals, beliefs, and senses that we stand by but we must tone it down in order to make sure we don’t ruin ourselves because people don’t know how to allow more than one perception of an individual to flourish.

No, This doesn’t include the derogatory mess some of you refer to as ‘opinions’ regarding race, sexuality, & sexism among other things that don’t even effect you personally but consider to speak out the ass about so, don’t quote me in reference to such confusion considered a ‘moral’, ‘belief’, or ‘sense’.

I’ve always had that “you’re weird.” ‘Problem’ to be frank I still do and it’s so hard to disregard honestly. Only because it’s portrayed that being this extraordinary individual isn’t comforting to others so it isn’t likable since it lacks the norm, From my perspective I don’t get why your incomparable flow couldn’t awaken the minds of others that in fact you can be.. Different! Just like being told “you’re pretty” or any compliment you hold onto it, the same rules apply to the negativity especially when you’re building yourself up to help you evolve and although being “weird” isn’t something necessarily negative it’s also not something to be fond about. It makes you second guess yourself and it makes you live within a box that doesn’t let satisfy your urge to free yourself.

What I wonder is why people pressure others to continue to not be ‘unhappy’ by not respecting them express themselves while they know how it feels to stay secret.

I don’t think people realize It’s a lack of respect for Originality these days. It’s okay to put out whatever as long as the people like you. “Be something others can relate to.” As if that’s impossible to do just because something is abnormal a mass amount of people aren’t accepting of what’s ‘irregular’. To me if you, being you is relatable to one let alone a few then it will encourage many to take pride in any and everything regarding them.

Looking back, personally, I’ve sold myself short many times when it comes to self expression for the sake of people to like me. People who didn’t even pay attention to the fact I was like them after I purposely dedicated time to their acceptance. As a kid, teenager, young creative you are not aware that a person should like you because you are you and not who you should be. That’s as far as it should go though, once we reach a fine moment in adulthood we must start embracing and living for ourselves.

“Confinement“, a word developed from the root word “confine” which is a noun that means “the borders or boundaries of a place, especially regard to their restricting freedom of movement”

The featured photo is from the Bad Boy Record label Photo shoot showcasing the release of Craig Mack & Notorious B.I.G new music incorporating the infamous McDonald’s Big Mac.

Crazy Like That Glue – Craig Mack Documentary

Surprise Song, Enjoy it